What I Wish I Knew Before Having Kids

Since I'm pregnant for the third time, I recently realized that I feel much more confident that I did with my first baby.  Here's what I've learned in the past four years:

1) You don't need every gadget under the sun.  You don't need a wipes warmer.  You don't need a fancy travel system stroller.  You don't need a motion detector to send you into a panic every time your child doesn't move for 15 seconds.  You don't need a video monitor.  You don't need a baby spa.  Heck, you don't even need toys!  Just give the kid a few wooden spoons and a box; he'll be happy as a clam.

2) There really is such a thing as a "mothering instinct".  I spent a lot of time pre-baby wondering, "But how I am going to know when they're hungry?  How will I know if they're too hot or too cold?"  Sure, there are a lot of things I feel uncertain about, but there are definitely times when I knew there was something wrong, like when I just knew Ethan had an ear infection out in Kentucky and we needed to go to Urgent Care.  Many times, you will just know what you need to know when you need to know it.

3) You don't have to go running to the pediatrician or make that midnight phone call every time your kid has a fever.  Kids get fevers.  All the time.  Sometimes they are really high and it's ok!  It still makes me a little nervous to see the thermometer read over 102, but after a few years, I know it's normal for my kids to have high fevers and have nothing beyond a simple cold wrong with them.

4) You will have time to exercise and take care of yourself.  It's a myth that you will have zero time for yourself.  But...you may not actually do any of those things until naptime.

5) Everything is a phase.  Ethan has woken up late a night (or in the middle of the night) four out of the last seven nights.  When I'm tempted to get frustrated, I make this my mantra.  Two year old not eating dinner?  This too shall pass.  Newborn on a nursing strike? This too shall pass.  Toddler screaming and hanging on your legs while you make dinner every night?  This too shall pass.

6) You will not be bored.  When I was pregnant with Ethan, someone told me that I would be bored.  They're insane.  Life as a mother is never boring.  Mundane, maybe, but never boring.

7) You have to make yourself roll with the punches.  Parenthood is unpredictable.  Kids are unpredictable.  Sometimes, you will make grandiose plans about what you're going to accomplish that day only to find that your three year old has a fever, the two year old has smeared poop all over the walls and the newborn wants nothing more than to be held all...day...long.  And guess what gets the priority?  Not that yard sale pricing.  Not that Tuesday morning Bible study you were excited to go to.  Your children.  You take care of them first.  This is really hard for me; I love structure, I love order, I love predictability.  But it just doesn't always happen with kids. 

8) Sometimes, you do what works regardless of the advice of friends, family or your pediatrician (gasp!).  Everyone is an expert before they have kids.  They have criticized every parent they knew for various parenting decisions and know exactly what their children are going to do.  And then they have said child and realize that a lot of us are doing things just to stay sane and keep the peace.  If you get desperate enough, you will bring your kid to bed with you even if you were adamantly against co-sleeping.  If your newborn startles themselves awake every time you put them down to sleep, you might try putting them on their belly to sleep.   When your child is coughing so hard all night long that they can't sleep, you will break down and do your own dosage math to give them the forbidden cough medicine.  When your four month old is screaming through every feeding, you will try nursing standing up while rocking them in a pitch black bathroom. And yes, I've done every single one of those things.

9) Every parent and every family will have their own way of doing things - nursing or formula, vaccinating or not vaccinating, spanking or not spanking, working outside the home or inside the home, homeschooling or public schooling - and it's ok to be different.  Sometimes it's ok if another family does things differently than me.  And I don't need to have an opinion about how they do things just like they don't need to be judging me for how I do things.  Let other families be.  We all are trying to do the best for our kids. 

10) Once you have a child, your life will change in every way possible.  When you're pregnant, you don't really know what to expect, so you think that you will do everything you are currently doing and the baby will just tag along.  Wrong.  You will do everything you are currently doing (maybe), but the way you do everything will be completely different.  You will still travel...but you will plan trips around the baby's schedule and if you fly, you will now haul around a lot more gear and you will pray very very hard that the baby doesn't scream for the entire flight.  You will still hang out with friends...but you will either haul around a pack n play and diaper bag or you will come home before bedtime and you may not get a whole lot of actual adult conversation in.  You will still go on dates with your spouse...but you will have to plan for a babysitter to be available.  Life goes on, but it's just completely different.

So, what about you? What advice would you pass on to new mothers?  What do you wish you had known before you had kids?

Sharing with: Women Living Well,



Marital Laziness

...there is an epidemic of marital laziness among us.  We want to be able to coast and have things not only stay the same but get better. - Paul David Tripp

It was the weekend of weddings around here.  Dave and I haven't had a wedding to go to in five years and when we do, they both wind up on the same day.  First my college roommate got married so I got to hang out with a few of my other roommates that I haven't seen in the almost eight years since my wedding. 

It was sort of funny...two outdoor weddings, as different as could be.  We went from this...

...to this.  And yes, that is a horse-drawn carriage and the most beautiful dress I've ever seen. 

But you know what weddings do for your marital soul.  They remind you of where you began, of where you always dreamed you would be.  We all start out our marriages with the best of intentions, with a passionate love for each other, with a determination that nothing will ever go wrong.  And then you come home from the honeymoon and reality hits.  Marriage is a lot harder than it looks.  Marriage is a daily task, a life lived by every moment you spend together or apart.

...a good marriage is not a mysterious gift...These things are not like a romantic cloud that you happen to wander into.  No, they are the rich, relational blessings of living the way God, who created marriage, intended us to live.  They are not relational luxuries for the romantically inclined.  No, they are the essentials of a truly healthy and happy marriage... - Paul David Tripp

Marriage is a life built from the little things.  The little words we say, the little actions we take or don't take...and I think this exhausts us, this constant thinking of the other person.  I know there are so many moments where I am fighting doing that little thing that will make Dave's life just a tad easier or happier - cleaning up the toys that are scattered on the floor and make him crazy after a day of hard work, making his lunch in the morning when I haven't even had a cup of coffee, sitting outside talking when I just want to veg in front of the TV, changing the channel to something we both enjoy rather than making him suffer through "The Real Housewives of...", biting my tongue when his hair is cut just a little shorter than I like...

So, you have to view yourself as a marital mason  You are daily on the job adding another layer of bricks that will determine the shape of your marriage for days, weeks, and years to come. - Paul David Tripp

What I invest in my marriage, I will earn a return on.  I can choose to lazily invest nothing, but I will receive nothing.  If I plant rudeness, I will only get it in return.  If I plant selfishness, I will only get myself in return, not more love from my husband.  If I plant a field of arguments, what do I expect to get in return?  However, if I choose to lay down my own desires, I inspire the same in my husband.  If I choose to make the effort to appreciate him, he does the same.  I choose to bite my tongue when his sweaty clothes are in the middle of the bathroom floor, he bites his tongue when he trips over five pairs of shoes strewn on the living room floor.  I thank him for providing for us and working hard when he doesn't feel like it, he thanks me for a clean house and happy children.

So, weddings...a good reminder.  A good reminder for me that I need to PAY ATTENTION.  Don't lose heart...don't get bored...don't get lazy.  I am thankful to have a husband who is very attuned to the times when we start to coast as a couple.  He's so awesome.

**All quotes taken from What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp.

Take a Break!

I think I've mentioned a few times that I have recently been introduced to the National Center for Biblical Parenting and been fairly impressed by what I see as the most balanced and practical approach to parenting techniques.  One technique we've put into practice is called, "Taking a Break".  We've been doing it for a few weeks now, but I wanted to work out the kinks, get consistent about it and see if it even worked before I blogged about it.  Successes are more fun to write about. 

  Lately, during my unofficial Parental Observations, I've noticed that the majority of our problems at home are not necessarily with obedience or compliance, but rather with demonstrating an appropriate response and being able to manage emotions such as disappointment, frustration, anger, etc.  Ethan wants to play with a toy that Noah has and throws himself crying on the floor out of selfishness and frustration.  Noah shrieks at the top of his lungs and throws down a toy out of frustration that it's not working the way he wants it to.  In situations like these, Dave and I generally use the "Take a Break" concept. 

Ethan or Noah is sent to their "Take a Break Spot", a place in the house where they can't play, see us or interact with us, but where I can still hear them and monitor what's happening.  I love the idea of this.  It reminds me of what we tell adults to do when they need to get their emotions under control - we suggest they walk away, get control and come back to deal with a conflict or frustrating situation.  It also helps me as a parent to take a deep breath and think about how I'm going to show him the right thing to do.  My frustration with his behavior has a moment to be cleared away and I am less likely to respond in anger, with a furrowed brow and accusing tone of voice.

I tell them that when they have calmed down and found their happy attitude, they may come talk to me.  Again, good practice for mature conflict resolution.  We must be calm in order to hear and appropriately process a situation.  Heightened emotions keep us from being "slow to speak and slow to become angry". Taking a Break is slightly different from time-out here in that the boys are allowed to decide for themselves when they have achieved self-control and calmness.  Dave and I have practiced self control with both boys since they were young toddlers so they have a frame of reference for what that means.  There have been a few times when Ethan has come to me completely and totally faking a smile simply to be done with the break.  The artificiality immediately becomes apparent when he breaks down into a fit when I start talking about the problem.  In those instances, I send him back to the Take a Break Spot until I can sense a genuine calm spirit. 

The Break doesn't end here.  If Ethan or Noah comes to me and truly demonstrates a calm attitude, I immediately say, "Hey!  I'm so happy to see you again!  Why did Mommy tell you to take a break?"  And then I wait to see if he can articulate the negative attitude or behavior he displayed.  If he can, I praise him for recognizing what was wrong.  If he can't articulate it, I explain it to him.  Then we talk about an alternative response.  For instance, if Ethan threw himself on the floor crying dramatically because Noah was playing with a toy he wanted, we talk about how next time he could either say, "Noah, may I have a turn please?" or he could find something else to play with or he could wait patiently for his turn.  I generally have him practice the correct words with the correct demeanor after modeling it for him first. 

This all sounds so textbook and as though it takes a long time.  Truthfully, the entire conversation takes less than a minute or two.  We quickly work through a situation, I teach and model appropriate behavior, he practices appropriate behavior and then we move on.  The slate is cleared.  There aren't any more ramifications.  We're all happy again.

I believe that my role as a parent is not simply as a judge and jury, handing out punishment for every wrong behavior or trying to control their behavior through punishment or the fear of punishment.  I believe that punishment (consequences might be a better word choice) has an appropriate place, but more than that, my role is to prepare them for adulthood and teach them healthy ways of interaction.  This Take a Break technique is working well for us and I highly recommend it. 

Are My CSA and Babycenter Working Together?

One more benefit of buying a farm share...I am now receiving the vegetables to which Babycenter is comparing my baby.  This week - 17 weeks - my baby weighs as much as...

...a turnip (5 oz).

Thank you, Heirloom Italy A.P. Marrone Farm for bringing the perfect visual.  Now...if I can just figure out what to do with the actual turnips.  It may be hard to eat them now that I have a baby/vegetable image impressed in my mind.  

Top 10 Reasons I DO Love Pregnancy

As promised, and without further ado, my list of the reasons that I actually DO enjoy being pregnant to counteract the negativity of last week's list.

1)) The attention. Seriously, everyone looks at you. Everyone cares how you're feeling. Everyone tells you that you look cute, even if you don't. Everyone wants to help you clean or bring meals or watch your kids. This lasts exactly until the baby is born, at which point, he or she steals all the limelight, and rightly so.


2) Even though I don't love maternity clothes, I do love the opportunity to have a new wardrobe. I tire of my clothes very quickly.

3) Feeling the baby move. This is probably the main thing I always miss after the baby is born. There's nothing like feeling the little ripples and taps and shoves and kicks and playing "Guess That Body Part."

4) Thick, silky, shiny, lustrous locks of hair.

5) Notwithstanding the discomfort of the growing belly, I do throughly enjoy the other...ahem, aspects of shapeliness (is that euphemistic enough?) that are a benefit of pregnancy. Amazingly, thankfully, and apparently unlike a lot of women, I got to keep those benefits after childbirth. Victoria's Secret, here I come!

6) That nesting instinct that shows up...sometime...but, um, yeah, not yet..definitely increases my productivity. I hope it shows up soon because I am moving and have lots to do.

7) My husband pays someone to clean the house when I get hugely pregnant and when I have a newborn. Many Husband Points here. MANY.

8) I would say, "Eating whatever sounds good", but I just got yelled at last week for gaining too much weight in one week so I guess I'm not *supposed* to say that. However, since I didn't really pay all that much attention to the stern doctor, maybe I should just keep that here on the list. You know, my first pregnancy, I was a lot more strict about what I ate. I kept a food diary in the beginning and bought What to Expect: Eating Well When You're Expecting. When the second pregnancy rolled around, I really stopped caring. And I'm a fairly healthy eater when I'm not pregnant.

9) The thought of growing a person - a PERSON - inside of me - INSIDE OF ME - is pretty amazing. If you follow the process from conception to the cell division to the formation of the brain and heart chambers and organ development, there's just no way to not be amazed at the process of creation that God allows women to share in.


10) Giving birth. I don't say that like, "Oh gosh, the only positive thing about pregnancy is NOT being pregnant anymore." I mean that the moment of birth is incomparable. I know that those of you who have only had vaginal births might not be able to understand how having a baby via surgery is amazing. It's not like I have had to work for it and push and see the fruit of my labor (sorry, no pun intended). But it really doesn't matter. That moment of laying on an operating table, unable to see or feel what's going on...that pressure and tugging that mean hands are inside you searching for the baby...that moment of hearing the baby cry as he is pulled out of you...it's all mysterious and emotional and amazing no matter how unnatural the birth process is. And frankly, the fact that I can have a birth, or two, or three like that, and SURVIVE is miraculous; 150 years ago, I might have been one of those women who died in childbirth. And here I am, getting ready to have my third child. I'm very thankful.

So, better?  How's that for some positivity?

Celebrate Dave Day

So interesting, the difference between what a woman wants for Mother's Day and what a man wants for Father's Day.  I want to do nothing while Dave does the normal everyday tasks - cooking, cleaning up, naptime, etc.  Dave wants to go hiking.  So we go hiking.  Two years ago, we went to Sky Meadows State Park.  Thank goodness for the $20 consignment shop hiking backpacks, although Noah was not thrilled and cried for half the hike.

Last year we continued the tradition and invited friends along to Sky Meadows, assuring them that it would be an easy hike for the kids.  Riiiggghhhht.....we lied.  The first half of the hike was straight up a hill in sunny 90 degree temperatures.  Whew!  Thankfully, the second half was downhill, through the woods and was awesome. 

This year, we went to Blandy Experimental Farm, also known as the State Arboretum of Virginia.  It's a 700 acre research facility for the University of Virginia; we knew there was a FLAT walking trail so we thought that would be a better option with all the little ones (four boys ages 4, 3, 2 1/2, and 2).

 The boys started out with tons of energy, running ahead and giggling with each other.

20 minutes later...they all had their shirts off and we were taking turns carrying them.  Not exactly what we had envisioned - I was picturing everyone skipping happily down a path, grasping sturdy walking sticks and acquiring their Toddler Hiking Badges.  Not quite.  But we're in training...we're in training.  All Spences must love all outdoor activities.

For lunch, we laid our picnic fare on the tables in a covered pavillion and settled down to some much needed food and drink.  And then...and THEN.  (DUM DUM DUM) The Jack Russell Terrier from a deep, dark evil place came upon us.  It started circling our picnic table...eyed the sandwiches in the children's hands...and JUMPED UP ON MY TWO YEAR OLD BABY AND ATE THE SANDWICH OUT OF HIS HANDS!!!!! 

Ethan ran away hysterically crying.  Noah was hysterically crying.  The other mother was trying vainly to shoo the dog away (the dads were on their second trip to the car to get drinks for us).  I got Ethan and he wrapped his arms and legs around my body and clung for dear life, still crying hysterically; I pulled Noah as close to me as I could with the other monkey clinging on.  The dog refused to leave us alone...REFUSED.  Nothing worked.  The dads spent a lot of time trying to get it to guide it other directions, throwing food in the grass so it would stay away, locking it in the bathroom.  We called the owner's number on the dog's collar (they didn't answer).  It was horrible.  Ethan never stopped crying and I finally had to walk back to the car with him.  We all left shortly thereafter with meals unfinished because the dog was entirely too traumatic for the Spence kids.

But guess what?  Ice cream solves everything.

All's well that ends well.

Happy Father's Day, Dave!

Why My Husband is Awesome

Reposting this from Valentine's Day 2011 as I enter a writing contest:

Valentine's Day is the perfect time to make all of you gag while I tell you why I absolutely adore my husband. 

1)  He makes me laugh. 

2) He's really, really, really, handsome.

3) He is an awesome father and loves to hang out, snuggle and play with his boys.  He changes diapers, does bath time, feeds them meals, plays cars, makes forts, wrestles and tickles. 

4) Every night he makes coffee, sometimes for himself, but mostly so it's ready for when his non-morning lover of a wife gets up.

5) He encourages me to go out with my friends on a regular basis and always tells me to have fun and take my time.  There are never any crises while I'm gone.  And the house is clean when I come home.

6) He's a really, really hard worker and good provider.  I have absolute confidence that he will always do what it takes to take care of his family.  Even though he's a real estate agent in a slow market, he pursues his career with a passion and seeks new ideas to improve his professional skills.  (And I'll note that he's been steadily busy throughout this housing market.) He is excellent at balancing his time between work and family.

7) Even though he's not a natural handyman, he'll try his hand at simple tasks like changing a door lock or installing child safety locks.  And if he knows he can't do it, he knows who to call to get it done.  If the neighborhood needs snow shoveled or mulch spread, this HOA president gets his hands dirty and gets the job done.

 

8)  He stays in shape.  We can run 10Ks together.  He's not one of those men who expects his wife to look like a supermodel and yet lets himself go to pot. 

9) He's my best friend.  I tell him everything.  And he loves to talk to me.  We have great communication. 

10) He's apprenticing to be a community group leader.  I really respect his pursuit of leadership. 

11) He is 33 years old and still plays soccer. 

12) He appreciates when I am put together with makeup on, but never criticizes me if I don't.  He loves me wearing jeans and a sweatshirt (grey sweatshirt and a white baseball cap to be precise). 

13) He gets up at 6:00am most mornings, comes downstairs and reads his Bible while drinking his one cup of coffee.

14) He keeps a golf club on his side of the bed to beat up any robbers that come through our bedroom door

15) He's creative in the fun department.

16) He regularly meets with older men in an attempt to maintain accountability and glean wisdom about manhood, marriage, fatherhood and finances.

17) He makes sure my car is maintained - takes it for regular servicing, gets it detailed a few times a year and occasionally takes it to the carwash. 

18)  He can make a perfect omelette and an amazing grilled cheese. 

19) He watches Pride and Prejudice with me...and likes it.

20)  He loves being outside, going for walks and sitting around a good fire.

21) He's planned for our future and protected our present by initiating retirement savings accounts, finding the best health insurance plan, and making decisions regarding our wills and estate planning, all things I don't even want to think about.

22)  He's really good at finding great places for us to live.
23) He's even better at making the hard, but right choice when the thing you want to do is not the thing you should do.

24) When we're having a down time in our marriage or just bored, he feels it acutely and passionately and actively pursues the protection of our marriage with heart to heart conversations and date nights.

25) He's just an all-around good man with a good, compassionate, thoughtful heart.

I love him.

Word Spurt

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I was worried about Noah possibly overstaying his welcome in the gibberish stage of language development.  I needn't have worried.  This past week or, Noah had another "word spurt".  He's been saying words out of the blue so clearly that Dave and I look at each other with jaws dropped like, "Did he really just say what I think he said?"  And yes, he did.  Perfectly.  It's like he suddenly decided that it was cool to talk, that he was competent enough to try new sounds.  I'll ask him to say a word and his little mouth contorts with the effort...so cute that I keep making him do it over and over. 

Out of his mouth have popped things like:

1) Sitting at the breakfast table, watching Ethan play with a car.
    Noah: "My car."
    Me: (not sure I really heard that) "Did you just say 'car', Noah?"
    Noah:(pretending he never said it) "I want that."
    Me:"If you want it, you have to say 'car'"
    Noah: "Car...car, car, car, car."

2) In his "take a break" spot (more on that another time) because he misbehaved.
    Me: "Why did Mommy tell you to take a break, Noah?"
    Noah: "I hit Ethan."
    Me: (Shocked) "Yes, you hit Ethan.  You may not hit Ethan.  You need to use gentle
    touches. Show me how you use gentle touches."
    So, not only could he say the words, this TWO AND A HALF YEAR OLD could articulate 
    why he was being disciplined.  Crazy.  His 3 1/2 year old brother can barely do that.

3) Dave tells the boys he's going to take them to the park for some Daddy Time.
    Noah: "Park with Dada. (puts his hand on my arm)  Stay here, Mom."
    Well, ok then.
    A few minutes later, he looks at me with his head tilted, puts his hand back on my 
    arm, "Come, Mama?"
    Oh, sweetheart...
(And as a side note, the way he says "park" sounds like the rude name for a male body part.  Yesterday, in Panera we told him we were going to the park and he promptly started yelling it at the top of his lungs...multiple times...and this kid is loud.  Just smile and pretend no one else can hear it, that's my strategy.)

4) Noah is standing on his stool watching me mix up some granola. 
     Me: "Be careful, honey.  Mommy doesn't want you to fall."
    Noah:  "No, I not fall." 

This is crazy.  Where did this come from?  I think maybe he's got a little of his Uncle Steve in him.  My brother barely said a word until he was about 3 1/2, at which point he randomly looked at my mom one day and said, "Mom, I was wondering about those stars up there." 

I guess I don't need to worry anymore.

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Top Ten Reasons I Don't Love Pregnancy

Well, here we are...16 weeks pregnant (that's four months for those of you trying to do the division).  I think I'm just going to admit that, to paraphrase my mother, I like the idea of pregnancy, but not pregnancy itself.  Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy to be having another baby, but the process is just not that divine experience that some women have. Why?

1) Exercise is hard.  And I'm lacking motivation to do it.  I know in my head that it will make me feel better, but it's just harder.  I was up to averaging running an 8:15 mile.  Then I fluctuated back down to 10/11 minute miles during the first trimester and now I'm back to averaging 9.5 minute miles.  I know it will come back, but I was sort of excited to have gotten so "fast". 

2) I'm so tired...naps don't happen all that often with a 3 1/2 year old who stopped napping over a year ago.  Well, you know, except for the random times I try to sleep and come downstairs only to see this (and yes, he really was asleep):

3) Hormones.  I hate feeling like I have no control over my emotions.  I know what helps...getting busy or exercising, but for some reason neither of those things work to regulate the hormones during pregnancy.

4) I don't like my body.  I feel very self-conscious.  Hence the reason you are not getting a 16 week belly shot.  I still think I look more fat than pregnant.  And I'm not fishing for a "Oh, you look so cute!  Glowing, even!"...

5) I dislike gaining weight.  And I got in trouble at today's appointment for gaining 6 lbs in 4 weeks.  The doctor shook his head a little when I told him that I have gained 40 lbs with both my past pregnancies.  I am under instructions to be more careful about what I eat. 

6) I don't know that this is a reason I don't like pregnancy, but I'm definitely a little scared about having a third c-section.  My scar has been twinging and pinching a little in the past few days and it makes me have visions of a rupturing placenta and me bleeding out on the floor of my bathroom.  I have been reassured by the OB that it's normal as your uterus expands.

7) Itchy skin.  It doesn't matter if it's summer or winter, my skin will itch.  For the last two pregnancies, I cannot get a handle on the itchiness.  The only thing that seems to relieve it is Aveeno lotion, and trust me, I've tried a lot of lotions.  With my first pregnancy, I wound up with the PUPPS rash...you can google it, but I will just tell you that it's like having poison ivy over your entire body for weeks on end.  It doesn't go away until you deliver the baby and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 

8) Heartburn.  What does the old wives tale say?  Lots of heartburn means a baby with a lot of hair??  At least I'm getting my daily requirement of calcium with all the Tums I'm consuming.

9) Congestion.  I am one of those pregnant women who cannot breathe well out of their nose.  I snore at night.  Dave will appreciate that I have confessed this fact.  This time around I plan on trying the Neti Pot more often and seeing if it helps.  This congestion also shows up in my eustachian tubes.  I've been told in the past that I have "dysfunctional eustachian tubes" which lead to me hearing a muffled soundtrack of my life off and on. 

10)  I'm starting to get a little scared of having more than two children.  Will I have a brain left?  Since I already have two great kids, is this destined to be the "terror child"?

So yeah, I know...a little grouchy today.  A little complaining.  I promise I'll come up with a list of 10 things I like about pregnancy for next week, even if it does take me all seven days to do so. 

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The Problem With Creative Ideas

How many of you get Parents magazine? Family Fun magazine? Parenting: The Early Years? 

Now, how many of you read the articles on the fancy crafts and creative play ideas, get all inspired, put the ideas into action and have that moment of...oohhhhh...this is why it's in a magazine.  This is why so many mothers just let their kids figure out how to play on their own.  I swear some genius sat down and thought, "Now, what activity can we create that will be loads of fun for the kids and loads of work for the mothers to clean up."

Ugh.

Last year, I made the Rice Box, which still exists.  The boys love it.  However, I inwardly groan when the boys ask to play with it because it puts me in a bad mood.  Every time I tell myself that it doesn't matter if they make a mess with the rice.  It doesn't matter if the rice doesn't stay in the box. RICE IS CHEAP!!  THEY SELL IT AT THE DOLLAR TREE!!  And every time, I find myself watching and scowling with every scoop of rice that lands on the sidewalk.  Why?  Why can I not let myself let it be a mess??? 

So what did I do?  Yep, that's right.  I made ANOTHER sensory play box!  Of course, I did.  Because I just love to irritate myself.  No, actually, I like to have my boys have fun, and I knew they would love it.  While picking up rice to fill up the dwindling supply of rice, I grabbed several bags of dried beans and decided to exchange this sensory play option for a bean box. 

They had fun.  They brought over mini dump trucks and shovels and filled up cups of beans.  They stuck their feet in the beans, sat in the box and poured the beans through empty toilet paper rolls.  They also fought off and on through the whole thing.  We seem to be in this testosterone-motivated, competitive battle over which brother is in control phase right now.  At one point, Noah was dumping shovelfuls of beans on Ethan's head while Ethan shrieked and cried in irritation.  Fun times. 

Anyway...after the boys were down for naps/resting, I went back out to clean up. 

So, here's my question: If I leave piles of beans in the mulch instead of picking out each individual bean with my bare hands, am I now growing a garden of pinto and kidney beans?

And if I am growing a garden of pinto and kidney beans, can we list that as a perk when we try to rent out the house in the fall? 

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SAHM Boredom Buster: Challenge Your Cooking Skills

When you're in a slump as a SAHM, what do you do?  Well, I highly suggest finding something COMPLETELY different to bake or cook and challenging your skills.  I also highly suggest PBS for the kids while you attempt said cooking challenge because you will probably need a good deal of concentration.

I've made bagels from scratch in the past and after a bit of tweaking the amounts of whole wheat flour, all-purpose flour and vital wheat gluten, I think I have the perfect recipe.  I'll bet a whole bunch of you had never heard of vital wheat gluten.  I didn't either until I started learning to make things from scratch.  It helps immensely when you are baking with whole wheat flour.  Tangent...sorry.  Back to bagels.  Or rather, back to the new challenge: English muffins.  English muffins are on my cooking goals for 2011, along with Healthy Bread in Five Minutes a Day (frustating flop!). 

And the results are...turns out they're kind of a pain to make.  Time-consuming, what with all that rising and everything. 

I did learn a new term: sponge-rising.  Joy of Cooking didn't exactly explain what that meant, but I sort of concluded that it meant it would rise and look like a sponge with little holes in it. 

I was right.  So smart...chalk that one up to having a college degree...oh wait, my BA is in French Education.  Not helpful in the kitchen, unless you are actually cooking French cuisine, which I surprisingly NEVER do.  Tangent again...definitely in a bored SAHM slump.  GAH!!!

They smell completely different than store-bought English muffins and they have far fewer ingredients.  Flour, water, yeast, milk, salt, sugar, butter.  That's it.  No preservatives.  Nothing unpronounceable.  Exactly what I like...when I exert the effort to make it. 

They're pretty good.  A little thicker than the store-bought ones, so they need a tad more toasting, but good.  They're slightly dryer, but with a heavy butter flavor that makes them sort of melt in your mouth.  I'm not sure I would make them again - or at least not often - because of how time-consuming they are, but I'm glad I tried something new!  You should too!

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Did I Accomplish ANYTHING Today?

I've decided that being a stay at home mom is one of the weirdest jobs ever.  Why?  Well, there isn't a set schedule with a beginning time and an ending time.  There isn't any real boss.  I'm the only employee.  There isn't a list of job expectations and tasks that I must accomplish every day.  Weird.  And yet, it is a real job.  It never ends and there's no vacation...even on vacation. 

I used to have a job that started at precisely 7:25 and ended at precisely 2:35.  My every minute was scheduled and if you asked me where I was at 12:11pm, I could actually answer it.  I had tasks that had to be accomplished...plan lessons, teach lessons, help students, call parents, grade tests, enter grades into computer, attend meetings.  I could look back at my day and clearly see what I had done.  Now...it takes a bit more thought. 

Sometimes during the day, I stop and think with discouragement, "I didn't accomplish a darn thing today."  But is that true?  I've found that I have to stop and make a mental list of what I did during the day and it usually turns out that I've done more than originally came to mind. 

- dressed kids
- sent 3 year old to the potty 6 times
- changed diapers
- prepared and cleaned up 3 meals for 4 people, while 2 of those people are fighting and whining and crying and hanging on my legs
- made beds
- took a shower, changed out of pajamas, put makeup on
- ran 3 miles
- cleaned up train tracks, cars, Little People sets, Legos, blocks, books...at least 3 times
- put together 5 puzzles...twice.
- put on a load of laundry
- remembered to change laundry to dryer
- broke up 8 fights
- had 12 conversations about kindness, sharing, forgiveness, obedience...all with varying degrees of success
- put kids down for naps
- put kids to bed

And then the random extra stuff...scrubbed the dishwasher that wasn't getting dishes cleaned, filled empty wipes container, hardboiled a dozen eggs, filled empty coffee container, purged expired medicines from medicine cabinet, wrangled two kids at the pediatrician for an hour, survived the grocery store, scrubbed sidewalk chalk off the wall, made chicken stock and froze it, washed and chopped lettuce for weekly salad bowl, sewed on a button, cleaned the house, filed papers away in filing cabinet, cut coupons, plan meals...the list goes on and on.  And if it was just this list, it might be easier.  As it is, there are 2 small children interrupting each of those tasks multiple times so that it sometimes takes an hour to do something that would take a childless person 10 minutes. 

It's a lot when you stop to think about it.  My hat goes off to working mothers who do all the above AND work outside (or inside) the home. 

So what's my point?  I don't know...I think I just needed to type it all out so that I could see it for myself.  Sometimes I lay in bed in the morning and think, "I just don't know if I want to get up and do the same old boring things again today.  I don't know if I can handle whining today."  And yet, I do (with um...varying degrees of success...I've never broken down in tears over the whining and crying and tears.  Nope, never.).  How do I do it again?  I don't know.  I pray before I get up that God will give me some satisfaction and patience for the day.  Sometimes it's a conscious effort to remember that I chose this.  I knew that the calling on my life involved exclusively working at home as a mother and wife. 

And now that I think about it...I guess that is just like any other job.  I've talked my husband out of boredom sometimes and comforted him when he's stressed and celebrated with him when he's had a great day.  Somedays you love it and sometimes you're bored out of your mind.  That's just the way it goes.  One day at a time. 

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The Local Harvest Delivery

As one of my goals for 2011, I decided I wanted to attempt growing something again.  And then, as it got closer to planting time, I finally came to grips with my complete inability to keep plants alive.  It's just not going to happen.  

Also last year, I read Nina Planck's Real Food, which sort of inspired me to seek out more locally grown and organic foods.  I don't completely know if I believe that all of the studies she quoted in her book are valid, but I believe enough of them to have made some changes in the we eat.  I buy organic when the prices are similar or when I have a coupon.  I buy hormone-free milk and I stock up on the Nature's Promise meats when they go on clearance.  It's also a lot easier to buy nitrate free lunchmeats and hotdogs now that the name brands are following the trend.  Yea for Oscar Mayer and Hormel! 

Since I cannot grow anything and we currently do not have any yard to speak of (which will probably change!!), we decided to buy a farm share this year.  I went with a half-share (20 lbs of produce for 12 weeks) since the boys won't eat an adult portion and I have heard that a full share is an enormous amount of produce.  We went with this CSA (not because I knew anything about it, but because I'm phone shy and this was the only one that had an online subscription option) and yesterday the first shipment arrived on our doorstep before 7:30am. 

Oh man...5 HUGE zucchini, 5 yellow squash, 6 tomatoes, 2 bags of two different salad greens, 1 cucumber and about 2-3 lbs of red potatoes.  That is PLENTY of food for 2 adults and 2 children!  I had to ransack my cookbooks and recipe repertoire to plan meals that will include all of these things and I think we'll get through it this week.  So far, here's what I've got:

- Sauteed chicken breasts, zucchini fries, tomato/mozzarella salad
- Stuffed zucchini boats (using clearance natural lean ground beef), quinoa
- Ginger hoisin pork kebabs, roasted red potatoes, sauteed herbed yellow squash
- Feta stuffed chicken, tomato and zucchini baked with parmesan

I've already washed and cut up the salad greens; I try to keep a bowl of ready-to-eat lettuce in the fridge so that we can always throw a salad together. 

I've heard that I might end up with some odd vegetables (kale? swiss chard?), but I guess this will build my recipe repertoire. Buying a farm share is a great way to stay accountable for eating more vegetables (which was also one of my health goals for 2011).  I've already paid for 12 weeks of vegetables so there is no way I'm going to waste this awesome food!  For anyone else curious about what a farm share is, check out http://www.localharvest.org/ to find a farm share in your area.  And...if anyone has some zucchini recipes, PLEASE pass them on!

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Is This "The House"?

Some of you may remember that a year ago, we put an offer on a new construction house.  Several months later, after the house was mostly built and we were totally emotionally invested in it, we decided it would not be the wisest decision ever to buy it. (Back story here.)

Since then, we've just kind of kept our eye on the market.  With a realtor for a husband, that's not hard to do.  He pretty much sees houses immediately when they come on the market.  Unfortunately, there just hasn't been a house that has suited our needs or desires.  We've been pretty happy here; we love this townhouse.  It was our first house...I brought home my first two babies to this house.  But we want to move.  And now I'm pregnant and I really want to move. 

I want to move into this house:

 It has four bedrooms, a garage, and a yard to die for (well, for someone who has NO yard, it's to die for.)

It's just way more on our level than the new construction house was, on so many levels.  It's cheaper and it's not perfect.  It needs some updating.  The brass light fixtures and plastic brass switchplates will blind you.  I would choose different paint.  It's begging for an updated kitchen and master bathrom. But none of that is essential and all those things can be changed gradually.  It is such a pretty house.  And just think about this: central vac!  It's not attached to another house! The whole house has hardwood floors!  There's a front porch!  The primary downside to the house is that there is no basement.  Bad investment?  I don't know.  The jury is still out on that one.  I think the massive amount of storage makes up for no basement. 

The funny thing about this house is that we met the owners when we and they were building houses in the same development. We only met them because of the Loyalty Court new construction.  They were trying to sell this house themselves until Dave talked them into using his services.  That relationship didn't work too well, so they moved on to a new realtor.  This house has been on the market for a year and for a year, Dave has been saying, "I don't understand why this house hasn't sold." Apparently, the reason the house hasn't sold is because...SURPRISE!!!  We are under contract and set to close on it next month!!!

I have to admit I'm a little bit cautious still.  I know that despite a ratified contract, things can  go wrong in the meantime.  But after the Loyalty Court lesson, I know that God is absolutely in control and that everything happens for a reason. 

Here we go!  Let's see what happens!