More on Gossip

Big topic here.  I wrote that last post on gossip and it kept me thinking.  If I'm being even more honest, I think I was thinking about it because I was trying to find a way to gossip without it being called gossip.  I came up with a "what if". 

What if I'm really struggling with a friend or a family situation and I truly do not know how to handle it in a godly way?  Can I talk about it then? 

I think that answer is "yes", but I think that "yes" also has some qualifiers.  I think it has some rules that need to be followed with the underlying principle of discretion directing your actions. 

Try to talk about the situation without using names. And don't try to include as many details or hints about that person so that your listener cannot fail to figure out who you're discussing.

Describe the situation objectively and talk about the person in a kind and charitable manner.  Every negative word you say about that person has the potential to bring that person down a few notches in the eyes of the person with whom you're sharing the problem.  Gossip damages others' reputations, sometimes irreparably.

Share the situation with an older, wiser woman who is not connected to the situation.  Oftentimes I've found that bouncing a situation or someone's hurtful words off of a wiser woman will either leave me with the realization that I was too sensitive or give me tried and true suggestions based on many more years of experience than I could possibly have.  I've noticed that older women have so much more confidence and wisdom and most of them simply do not encounter the drama-filled, tension-filled female relationships that many of us younger women do.

Limit the number of people you talk to about the situation or person.  Yes, you may truly need a godly perspective on the situation.  You many need someone to practice your words on to make sure they are kind and wise.  But you don't need 15 people to practice on.  You don't need 15 perspectives on the problem.  You only need one.  Think about this:  what if the situation with the difficult person is resolved and your relationship is restored?  If you've talked to 15 people and disparaged that person to all of them, that difficult person now has a damaged reputation with lots of people.

Consult Scripture and pray about the situation. Christian Living 101, I know, but for some reason I always think the Bible will have nothing to say about my difficult friendship.  And um, yeah...SURPRISE!  It does have something to say.  You may not even need to confront the difficult person or get another person's perspective on the situation.  So much the better, in that case. 

Agree? Disagree? 

Linking up at:

Hello, My Name is Elizabeth and I Gossip

Oh yeah, I'm going there.  I was convicted of gossip this week.  And it stinks. I feel horrible.

Nobody called me out on it.  I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.  I didn't get caught.  I just read a list of Scripture verses.  Oh man.  I almost felt like throwing the book (don't worry, I'm not a heretic...not the Bible - another book, Damsels in Distress by Martha Peace) across the room just to shut up the conviction hurting my heart and making me feel like an idiot.  I hesitate to bring it up on my blog because now everyone will be wondering if I spend my free time trashing my friends, but I think there's value in being honest about this.  I'm convinced that most of us women, if we really buckled down and looked at the topic seriously, would realize that we ALL do it on some level.  It's hard not to do and gossiping makes us feel better.  And we've got to stop.

He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets,
Therefore do not associate with a gossip. (Prov. 20:19)

Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy...(Ps. 101:5)

But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean.  For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. (Matt.15:18-19)

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. (Prov. 16:28)

And it's not even ok to say, "Well, then I won't say it, but there's no law against thinking about it.  Nope.  You're still wrong.

He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness,
And speaks truth in his heart.
He does not slander with his tongue,
Nor does evil to his neighbor,
Nor takes up a reproach against his friend. (Ps. 15:1-3)

We are to be speaking truth in our hearts as well as with our tongues. 

Well, what if it is true?  Martha Peace says it best: "Both gossip and slander entail passing on a bad report about someone else.  What is said may be true, or a lie, or a mixture of both.  Even if it is true, the gossip or slanderer is telling the wrong person. (The only person they should be telling is the person himself!) (p.31)" 

Which brings up another question:  Do we just go tell a friend every single time they make a mistake or hurt our feelings?  I think the answer is "no". 

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (Prov 17:9)

I think that most of us are too sensitive to real or perceived hurts.  I know that I have been told that I am, and that if I'm not careful, I'm going to be the "walking wounded."  I've been told that I need to not allow myself to get all tangled up in other people's opinions of me or bristle so quickly at a snide tone of voice or hurtful words.  I know that when I report someone's perceived hurtful words to Dave, he often tells me that I'm "being a woman" and reading too much into things.  I envy men who seem to have an easier time in friendships.  Seriously, if men have issues with each other, they just say it and move on, no harm done.  Crazy.  Amazing.  HOW DO THEY DO IT???

I think I've justified gossiping as "venting".  Someone irritates me or hurts my feelings and I want someone else to feel my pain.  I want someone else to confirm that that other person was wrong.  I don't hear myself calling a friend and saying, "Did you hear that so-and-so did such and such?"  I hear myself telling someone, "Ok, listen to this and tell me if I'm crazy.  So-and-so said X...Would that make you mad too?"  That's gossip!!

So what am I supposed to do when someone hurts my feelings?  Forgive them.  I "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5).  I remember, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."(Phil. 4:8)  If I do need to confront the person, consider my words carefully before I do so. 

Sigh...this is not going to be easy.  Operation Button-My-Lips is commencing...now.  Anyone want to join me?

And in random shameless begging for popularity...become a follower or subscribe to my blog!  (See right hand column)

Linking up at:

  and

What's Your Parenting Style?

I'm going to go out on a limb with this post and I think I might alienate both sides of the discipline debate with this one. 

I've read books and articles from all sides.  I've read the pro-spanking side in Shepherding a Child's Heart; I've even taken the class offered at our church.   I've read the insanity that is Michael Pearl's To Train Up a Child (and if you haven't read that post, go read it.)  I've read Danny Silk's Loving Our Children on Purpose and considered his non-punitive, choice-driven approach.  I've clicked through to the gentle-discipline blogs linked on Why Not Train a Child? and considered the nurturing examples of mothers like Dulce de Leche.  Dave and I have had countless discussions with friends and family, with fellow parents of small children and parents who've survived the little years.  We've struggled with finding a discipline style that works for us and for our kids.  We've struggled with what people will think about whatever we chose to do.  I suspect that someone in my relational sphere, whether online or in person, will think us unbiblical and lenient if we don't spank (or don't spank often) and someone else will think us unbiblical and harsh if we do. 

I think we're finally figuring it out.  I think we're learning that it's ok not to take an either/or approach.  I'm not sure why that sounds like such a novel concept to me, but it does.

We believe that it is possible to find a good balance in discipline and that you don't have to plant yourself firmly and irrevocably in any one "camp".  There are pieces of different methods that I really appreciate and believe in.  First of all, we believe in getting to the heart of the issue and guiding our children's attitudes and hearts to be more godly.  We believe in guidance, modeling, encouragement and consequences.  We have the boys practice the doing the right thing instead of always just correcting the wrong thing.  We believe spanking is ONE appropriate tool for discipline.  We also believe that we want spanking to be rare and never, ever, ever administered in anger (and yes, it is possible to do that).  We use time-out (or "taking a break" as we're calling it now).  We use natural consequences (ex. if the boys throw food, they don't get it back) or logical consequences (ex. if they hurt each other with their bikes, they take a break from bikes).  We always discuss why they are receiving consequences and try to identify with them the attitude that is manifesting itself.  We try to tell them and practice what they could have done instead so they will know what is expected.  Last weekend, I was introduced to the National Center for Biblical Parenting and I was pleasantly surprised to hear the most balanced approach on discipline that I've ever heard. I've only ever heard the two extremes, so to speak - the ONLY use spanking side and the NEVER use spanking side.  The NCBP gives about eight tools that parents have for discipline and spanking is only one of those, falling near the end of the list of suggestions.

Why do we draw such hard lines in parenting?  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe it's just my black and white personality that feels like once I choose a method, I must stick with it to the death.  I find it interesting that families can choose completely different methods, many of which can be backed up with Scripture, and when applied consistently, achieve nearly identical results.  Clearly, there are overly lenient parents and abusive parents on the far extremes of the spectrum, but that doesn't exemplify most parents.  I think I'm learning that I fall somewhere in the middle, probably like the majority of parents.  I'm not convinced that either approach taken to the extreme - the breaking the will or punishment method or the no punishment, freedom based approach - is really healthy or balanced.  Both methods (and let me emphasize, I'm talking about the extreme ends, not the average parent) seem to think they, and only they, are parenting the way that God does, but it seems to me that both extremes miss some aspects of God.  You can focus on the justice and authority of God at the expense of His love and His allowance of free will.  You can tune into the free will and love aspect of God and miss the fact that He is a just and holy God who does not tolerate sin and who wants us to submit to Him.  Justice and love, authority and free will...all mingled together...seems to be how we should try to parent if we're trying to follow His example.  It seems to me that the punishment/authority extreme often overemphasizes control and power while the freedom method often overemphasizes choices and independence.  And consider this:

Not surprisingly, power-directed and freedom-oriented parenting often reflect the parent's own personality.  Strong leaders gravitate toward the first approach.  Those who easily sacrifice themselves for others may lean towards the second.  These two styles form a continuum.  Parents who spend a lot of time at one end tend to occasionally jump to the other extreme in an attempt to maintain some kind of balance.

Despite being at opposite ends of the continuum, these two styles have several things in common.  In both approaches, parents fear conflict and use different techniques to skirt it, one control and the other avoidance.  Also, in both cases, children grow up without self-discipline...Children don't learn good social skills from either parenting approach, so they often become shy, obnoxious, or self-centered.
      (Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes...in you and your kids,          by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, p.94-95)

So, mothering masses, what do you think?  Has it been difficult to figure out your parenting style?  Do you fall at one end of the continuum or somewhere in the middle? 

P.S. If you comment, please respect the fact that there are people who use all different methods reading this.

Linking up at:

I Hate Maternity Clothes

First of all, here you go..the 13 week belly shot.  Notice that I have purposefully chosen a nice drapy shirt to camouflage how much belly is actually there. I'm not giving you a picture of the real preggo belly until I should actually have one - you know, like in 3 months or so. 

Dave and I have a wedding to go to in June.  An evening wedding.  So I took a trip to good ole Motherhood Maternity to look for a cute dress.  I left with nothing, completely disillusioned.  I kept trying on dresses expecting them to look good on me, but I had forgotten that maternity clothes aren't ever going to look really cute.  I think I'm becoming resigned to just looking a little frumpy for a few months (because, really, I cannot justify buying a whole new cute maternity wardrobe for what is probably my last pregnancy).  But please, if I start reverting back to pre-study-abroad fashion like this...

 ...or this...

 ...or this...

...please nominate me for "What Not to Wear".  I give you full permission to embarrass me on national television.

Google Diagnosed My Child With Schizophrenia

Yes, this is my consequence for being a former language teacher who overthinks every teeny tiny speech "issue" that my children appear to develop and does comprehensive searches on the Internet.  This, my friends, is not a good idea. 

Why did Google diagnose Ethan with schizophrenia?  Well...lately, I've noticed that Ethan parrots back my questions instead of answering them. 

Me: What did we see at the library today?
Ethan: What did we see at the library today?
Me: No, Ethan...what kind of truck did we see at the library?
Ethan: What kind of truck did we see?
Me: (internally) AAAAHHH!!!!!!

He's not doing this to irritate me.  It's not that annoying copycat game that you play with your siblings to push their buttons.  It was like he truly didn't understand me.  Most of the time I would have to resort to asking yes or no questions to get the answer.  Then I started wondering if this wasn't normal.  Is this a language development problem?  Shouldn't he be able to process that question and give me an answer?  So, I looked it up on Google.  I came across a term for the question parroting: echolalia.  And I found this heart-stopping sentence: "Echolalia, the parroting of the speech of others, is a severe communication disorder frequently associated with childhood schizophrenia and mental retardation."  Um, what?!?!  Schizophrenia?!?!  Wow, I have definitely overused Google at this point!  Thankfully, I found more information later that informed me that echolalia is only a problem if is a pervasive part of the child's speech, if they cannot answer a question at all, if they never add new information, if they cannot form a sentence on their own.  So we're fine.  I just let it be.  I realized that if I ask a question,and pause and maintain eye contact while he repeats the question back to me, he processes the question and provides an answer. 

I'm holding back doing searches on "2 year old uses a lot of gibberish".  I keep getting worried about Noah because he's been much slower to add words and sentences to his vocabulary.  He does have good words and some actual sentences ("Have this", "I want more"), but he just doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  The words he does have are hard to understand and some of them are just plain made up ("dee-da" for ball??).  Most of his speech is nonsense babbling, and I get worried when I hear other two year olds speaking much more clearly. 

Here's my question for the mothering masses: Does anyone know when the babbling/gibberish ends?  When is lots of gibberish considered a problem? 

Just don't tell me if it's an early sign of schizophrenia.

I'm Sick of Fighting Over Dinner

This is Noah at dinnertime the other night.  This stubborn little child sat like that for a full five minutes without moving a muscle.  I realize that five minutes may not sound like a long time, but for a child who literally does not stop moving all day, it's a long time.  Dave and I refused to try to sit him back up. 

You can't see Noah's plate, but he was refusing to eat his dinner.  He refuses to eat dinner every night.  EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.  I do not understand.  How can you not eat dinner?!?! It doesn't matter what it is, whether he loves it or not - he simply does not eat more than 2 or 3 bites.  Every night he doesn't eat and every night Dave and I attempt to coerce him into eating, convinced that he's going to wake up starving in the middle of the night.  And guess what?  He doesn't wake up starving in the middle of the night.  Ever.  So why am I fighting about it??? 

I think it's a control thing.  I've been reading Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk, and while I do not agree with some of the foundational principles and/or theology(I would describe it as being on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum as Shepherding a Child's Heart, which I also don't agree with in full), one thing is standing out to me at the moment.  Silk writes, "The lie that 'we can control others' is the biggest lie in human relationships (p.75)."  I think I want to say, "Eat!" and Noah is just going to hop to it and eat.  It makes me feel powerless when he doesn't eat his dinner.  I realize there are many situations in which he should learn to obey quickly, but is eating his dinner the battle I want to pick?  If he's not hungry, he's not hungry.  Why am I taking it so personally? 

So, Dave and I are sick of fighting over dinner.  And we decided we're not going to fight over it anymore.  If he doesn't want to eat, that's fine.  BUT!  He still has to sit at the table with the rest of the family until we are mostly done.  I think that's fair. Right? 

Why don't we just let him get down and run around?  First of all, I would like him to learn what we know as adults on a smaller scale.  When eating together, it's more polite to wait for others to finish rather than getting up and going about your own business.  Secondly, it's pure selfishness on our part.  Noah does not know how to occupy himself.  If he gets down, he will hang on our legs and whine and wander aimlessly begging for an activity, which means that Dave and I would be up and down getting him things to do.  And you know, I would like to eat dinner.  So, he can just sit there. 

Anyone else have this problem?  What have you done about it?

Do Your Kids Come When You Call Them?

Mine don't.  Well, not all the time anyway.  They don't come often enough that I feel like they don't come at all.

This reminds me of Bill Cosby.  Anyone else use to listen to Bill Cosby when they were growing up?  I certainly did.  Remember this clip? (Move ahead about 3 minutes for about a minute.)




I think I sound like this all the time.  Last week, I sat staring at my kids and thought, "They have no respect for me. They don't even look at me when I call their name."  It was a bad week.  Thankfully, I was away for the weekend at my sister's college graduation and I came back with a sure knowledge that I loved my kids.  (You know how sometimes, you just aren't sure?  I know I cannot possibly be the only one.) I was also able to go to my sister's church and visit her Adult Bible Fellowship class with her,which happened be discussing the "Tools in Your Toolbox" that we have for discipline.  I took copious notes.  One of the ideas was to "Practice the Right Thing" and the teacher gave a great idea that I plan to try this week.  I'm hoping someone else will think this is a great idea and join me in this experiment.

The idea is: The Come When I Call Game. 
The rules are:  In a relaxed moment at home, tell your kids to go into the other room and when you call their name, they should come running as fast as they can.  When they come, make it fun and make sure you're really happy.  I emphasize, it should be fun.  After a while, switch it up.  Declare that you're playing the game while they're playing with their toys.  Play the game at other people's houses.  At the end of the game, make sure to impress upon them that when they are anywhere, they should come when you call. 

Doesn't that sound genius?  I think it does.  Who's with me?  Tell me how it works and I'll tell you the same.

Linking up at:

Absolute Truth and Human Error

Originally, I wasn't going to post this question since it is slightly off-topic for my blog.  However, the initial discussion related to this question on the blog where the question was posted was less than helpful, so I'm hoping someone can chime in with thoughtful commentary. 

First of all, I believe in absolute truth and most of you who know me, know that I generally see things in black and white.  There aren't a whole lot of grey areas for me.  I don't believe there can be several versions of truth and that it's ok for everyone to have their own personal truth.  But here's my question: When discussing doctrine and Scripture, is it ok to take a stand for what I believe based on what I have studied AND leave room for the idea that I, as a human with a sinful nature, might be wrong? 


For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (I Cor 13:12)

I'm not talking about someone who denies the deity of Christ or that salvation comes through grace alone.  Those are essentials of the Christian faith.  I think what I'm wondering about are things as varied as old earth vs young earth, predestination, eternal security, spanking or even the value of certain Christian books.  There are many times when both sides of a concept can back up their interpretations of Scripture and I can totally understand where they are coming from.  At some point, I feel like you just have to let it go and say, "You might be right and we'll agree to disagree."  We all have a degree of spiritual blindness that keeps us from seeing the truth sometimes.  How do we take a stand for truth AND leave room for human error?  Is that wishy-washy faith?  Or am I contradicting myself now when I've already said I don't believe in personal truth? Is it pride to assume that I have a corner on truth regarding things like whether a certain book is "dangerous" for Christians to read?

Thoughts?

Sisterly Pride

Shout-out to my sister today!  Congratulations!  You are now officially smart!

My sister MaryKate graduated from Gwynedd Mercy College this weekend with a nursing degree.  I could never ever EVER have done what she has done.  Let's face it, apart from the whole study-abroad-in-France thing, a French major is a piece of cake.  Nursing, on the other hand? Is a heck of a lot of work.  And it's science. *shudder*  Oh, and?  She was working full-time while she did it.  Incredible. 

Our whole family is so proud of her.

(And there you go..first published baby bump picture).

A Little Wifely Dilemma

Well, this isn't really a dilemma.  I know the answer in my head.  However, the struggle (and it is a very very minute struggle) has been turning itself around in my head all day and I think it just needs to get out into written words. 

Here's my dilemma:  I hardly ever make Dave's lunch for him.  I don't make it despite the example of older married women that I know who do make lunch for their husbands, and who either serve it to them at home or send it with them for work.  I have always assumed that Dave didn't care one way or the other if I made him his lunch.  Actually, he doesn't even need a lunch every day because he often has lunch with clients or business associates.  And then there was yesterday.  Yesterday, I offered to make him a salad for lunch while he was getting ready for work.  I cut up the lettuce, hunted for more vegetables to add to it, chopped up some lemon pepper chicken to go on top and packed it into his lunch bag.  Later that day I got an email entitled, "Salad Appreciation" telling me how much he appreciated that I had made him his lunch.  And then when he got home from work, he thanked me again.  A thoughtful wife must probe more carefully into such  deep gratitude for what seemed like not-a-big-deal to me. 

Me: "Hon, do you really appreciate it that much that I made you your lunch?"
Dave: "Yeah, I do."
Me: "I didn't know it would mean that much to you."
Dave: "Well, I haven't wanted to add another thing for you to do so I didn't ask."
Me: "Oh." (pause) "Do you appreciate me making it because that's something your mom does for your dad?"
Dave: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh."

Darn it all!  Why must there be such godly, servant-hearted women in my life who, by their example, spur me on to higher levels of self-denial and service towards my husband?! Sigh...seriously though.  God has definitely provided a wealth of godly women - my mother in law at the top of the list - who have embodied the Titus 2 charge that older women "encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands so that the word of God will not be dishonored.(v.4-5)"

Back to the dilemma...do I make my husband lunch?  I know the answer is yes.  I know it.  And my selfish little heart is fighting it. 

But he's not asking you to do it.  He's not going to complain if you don't do it. Yeah, but wouldn't that be just trying to squeak by with the minimum I can do to make him happy? Now that I know he appreciates it, and actually would kind of like me to do it for him, don't I have a responsibility to acknowledge that and do it for him?  Why am I so selfish?  This man asks so little of me and criticizes nothing!  He never complains when the house is dirty or when he runs out of underwear because I haven't done laundry.  He hates when the toys are scattered on the kitchen floor when he comes home, but he never gripes about it. 

While scrubbing the bathroom moldings (don't ask...the nausea has gone and left an obsession with getting my house back in order in its place), God brought to mind the Scripture we had read at our wedding 7 1/2 years ago.

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.  Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility regard one another as more important that yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Philippians 2:1-4

So, yes.  I make my husband lunch.  And I stop thinking about it.  And I stop complaining about it in my head.  And then...I start finding enjoyment in serving the man who finds such pleasure in taking special care of me every day.  

Marriage is a Story Being Written Every Day

Marriage is a long walk two people take together...The travelers do not know exactly where they are going, nor when they will arrive.

- Kathleen and Thomas Hart

You know, I just really love when celebrities decide to offer up their opinion on deep important issues.  And I am being sarcastic there...however, the head-shaking annoyance that initially came did lead to some thinking.

This past week, Cameron Diaz offered this commentary on marriage: "I think we have to make our own rules.  I don't think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don't suit our world any longer."  Ugh! I thought, of course, someone would come up with that solution to the high failure rate of marriage. It is, after all, the easiest solution.  Just don't get married.  Live your life in one relationship after another.  Or...if you do get married, just stay as long as it's good and happy, and then go find someone else who makes you happy for a few more years. 

On the flip side of celebrity advice, Julia Roberts offered up this quote from a friend on the Oprah show yesterday, in response to how she has (so far) managed to avoid the Hollywood curse on marriage: "If you want an interesting relationship, stay in one."  Huh.  Yes.  You're right.  In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas talks about this idea too, the idea of building a history together as a married couple. 

Process this: "Some experts suggest it takes from nine to fourteen years for a couple to truly 'create and form its being'.  When I hear about couples who break up after just three or four years, I feel sad because they haven't even begun to experience what being married is really like.  It's sort of like climbing halfway up a mountain but never getting to see the sights; you're in the middle of the task, your soul is consumed with the struggle, but it's much too soon to experience the full rewards.  Evaluating your marriage so soon is like trying to eat a cake that's half-baked (p.107)."

He then says, "One of the great dangers in breaking a marriage history is that we can't know the future (p.111)."  Marriage is really difficult at times, but unless you stick it out, you will never know what's on the other side.  There may be years and years of struggle only for a lightbulb moment to occur for one or both spouses and change the entire plotline of your marriage.  You won't know unless you turn the next page. 

Jerry Jenkins encourages couples to tell their marital story: "Tell it to your kids, your friends, your brothers and sisters, but especially to each other  The more your story is implanted in your brain, the more it serves as a hedge against the myriad forces that seek to destroy your marriage.  Make your story so familiar that it becomes part of the fabric of your being.  It should become a legend that is shared through the generations as you grow a family tree that defies all odds and boasts of marriage after marriage of stability, strength, and longevity (Thomas, 125)."

My marriage is a story and thinking about it as such changes my perspective. Every day - sometimes every hour or every minute or every split-second - another page is written. If Dave and I look back on our marriage so far, I know we can see a story being crafted. I love our story so far, not because it has always been rosy, but because it's interesting, it's always changing and growing, it demonstrates God's grace to us, it speaks volumes about God's involvement in our lives.

So what's our story?  I'll tell you a little...most of it's too precious to share to the whole wide world.

-Dave and I meet in 2000 - he has no memory of me and I write in my journal that "Dave Spence is an idiot."

- Meet again in 2001 and become buddies with no romantic feelings towards each other.

- No romantic feelings towards each other quickly changes.

- Date long distance for about 2 months

- April, 2002 - Break up. 

- May, 2002 - Start talking again.

- July - September, 2002 - Date

- September 2002 - Break up

- November 2002 - Start talking again.

-December 2002 - Get engaged.

- October 18, 2003 - get married.

- Thus ensues 2 1/2 difficult, difficult years.

- People pray for us.

- We find mentors.

- God changes our hearts.

- We are a team.  We are in love.

- February, 2007 - We get pregnant and freak out that our marriage will die after listening to the doom and gloom from current parents.

- November 2007 - Ethan Bradley Spence is born and we still love each other.

-May, 2008 - We get pregnant again and freak out even MORE that our marriage will die after current parents tell us their marriage suffered when they had more than one child.

- January, 2009 - Noah Joseph Spence is born and we love each other even more.

2011 - New baby on the way and still happy. 

I know we're only 7 1/2 years into what will hopefully be a story as long as War and Peace  and I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we stuck it out.  Goodness, according to those experts Gary Thomas quotes, Dave and I haven't even "created our being yet."  I cannot tell you how thankful I am that God changed our hearts, gave us a desire to change and to please each other, provided mentors to call us out when we sinned against each other, guided people to pray for us and who knows what else.  I cannot point to anyone other than God who is continuing to author our story and show us His plans for our lives through marriage.  I don't presume to think that the struggles we've already been through will be the only struggles nor that they will be the hardest.  I'm absolutely positive that there are hard times ahead.  I just hope and pray that I can remember that my story is still being written and to hold out to find out the ending.

How about you?  Can you see a story being written?

Sharing with:

Head over to Elizabeth Esther to see the other interesting posts:

                                                            Also shared with:

I Hereby Volunteer For That "Dirty Jobs" Show

Two year olds...man...this age just slays me sometimes.  What goes through their minds, seriously?  Sometimes I really have to force myself to remember, as a friend reminded me, "They are just so little", and not try to impose my adult expectations on them.  But sometimes, I just think, "REALLY?!?!"

The other day, I was on the phone with my sister Emily, chatting away about motherhood while the boys were playing in their rooms.  Peals of laughter and lots of loud thumps indicated that they were having a great time.  And then Ethan came running down the stairs.
"Mom! Mom! Mom!" 
I kept chatting, waiting for him to get to me since my cell phone was plugged in charging at the time.
"Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  Noah pooped."
Ohhhhh.....nooooo.  Why do you know that?  What does that mean?
I got off the phone.
I walked upstairs with a heavy heart wondering just what I would find when I got there. 

Yep, he pooped alright.

His naked, poopy butt was staring me in the face.
His diaper was on the floor.
His fingers were dipped in poop.
And he was pointing at the diaper repeating, "Dirt! Dirt! Dirt!", with a disgusted look on his face.

REALLY?!?! 

I started cleaning him up, while alternately asking him what he was thinking (like a 2 year old understands that) and explaining that he should not remove his diaper.  Ethan, for some reason, just had to hang over my shoulder watching, gagging and telling me how stinky Noah's poop was.  Yes.  I know.  I'm 10 weeks pregnant.  It's worse being me right now, trust me.  Oh, how I wish I could turn off my olfactory sense right now...

I cannot wait to bring up that incident when he starts dating.  Oh, wait...we're homeschooling.  He won't be dating.  He'll be courting.  Even better.  That means she can't get out of it.  (Hear that, LJ?)  Oh, I'm going to be a great mother of teenagers...

Tarte au Citron

That would be "Lemon Tart" for all you non-francophones...it just doesn't have the same ring of sophistication that "Tarte au citron" does, does it? 

Tonight is my turn for dessert at my Titus 2 women's small group Bible study.  Every week we share a meal together and each bring part of the meal.  I usually lack creativity for the dessert element and wind up bringing Duncan Hines brownies or something else basic like that, but today, I just felt like bringing something different.  And when I get in that mood, it's time to break out the French cookbook!  No, I don't use Julia Child's cookbook - I'm not that adventurous.  Frankly, the thought of cracking open that cookbook really intimidates me.  I use French by Carole Clements and Elizabeth Wolf-Cohen.  It's approachable French cuisine and every recipe I've tried thus far has been delicious.  French desserts are my absolute favorite - lots of either fruit or chocolate without an overwhelming amount of sweetness. Delicate sauces, pastries....makes me want to hop on a plane and head back to Strasbourg for some pain au chocolat and mille feuille. 

Here's the recipe:

Tarte au Citron

12 oz shortcrust pastry (I cheated and just bought Pillsbury pie crust)

grated rind of 2-3 lemons

2/3 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

1/2 cup superfine sugar (NOT the same as 10X sugar)

4T heavy cream

4 eggs + 3 egg yolks

confectioner's sugar, for dusting

1) Preheat the oven to 375.  Roll out the pastry thinly and use to line a 9 inch pie pan or tart pan.  Prick the base of the pastry.

2) Line the pastry shell with foil and fill with baking beans (or rice).  Bake for about 15 minutes until the edges are set and dry.  Remove the foil and continue baking for 5-7 minutes more until golden.

3) Place the lemon rind, juice and sugar in a bowl.  Beat until combined and then gradually add the heavy cream and beat until well blended.

4) Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then beat in the egg yolks and pour the filling into the pastry shell.  Bake for 15-20 minutes, until the filling is set.  If the pastry begins to brown too much, cover the edges with foil.  Let cool.  Dust with confectioner's sugar before serving.

Hope it's good...hmmm, yeah, it'll be good.  The French just can't go wrong with their desserts.  

I'm linking up to Women Living Well today.  Hop on over there and check out the posts from other bloggers:

Front Page

So, this morning, I dragged myself out of bed immediately after waking from some strange, intense dreams in which I was attempting to find my way around an unnamed Spanish city where I was volunteering for a charity dealing with poverty stricken children. I realize no one cares about my weird dreams, but I give you that background to explain the cluelessness that happened a short while later.  I was really, really out of it. 

I got the boys dressed and wandered downstairs to get their breakfast started, another simple task that I found mind-boggling due to the deep dreaming state I had been in.  I finally got the breakfast, sat the boys down and sat myself down to peruse the local paper.  Dave came and stood next to me, just staring at me like he was waiting for something.  Feeling a little odd having someone staring at me for unknown reasons, I turned and looked at him.

"Notice anything?", he said.
I looked at him.  Well, I thought, your jacket collar is flipped up like a rich polo player and it looks silly.

Yeah...that wasn't what he wanted me to notice.

"Look at the paper."

What?  What am I supposed to see?  Are you that interested that Bin Laden was unarmed during the assault? 

Ohhhh.....you mean your picture plastered smack in the middle of the page where I shouldn't have been able to miss it???  I'm so dumb...

So, the reason my husband is on the front page of the local paper is because he is chairman of the design committee of the Old Town Development Board.  Here he is discussing the "infrastructure changes" that will occur in the next few years to the old town walking mall.  Check out the quote from him...Dave is so smart and professional. 

"This is a place where we want to have activities," said Spence, an agent with Colony Realty and OTDB member. "We want to have the public gravitate toward that center of downtown, and businesses will reap the benefits from that."

I told him I thought the quote sounded really good, to which he replied, "I really did say that."  I know!!!  I think you're smart!!!  I think you're an awesome realtor and professional businessman who knows your stuff, hon! 

So proud of him.  And yes, the picture has been clipped from the paper and hung on the fridge.  He needs some proud recognition.  He's awesome.

The Magic Cure

Well, I went searching for that photo by googling "10 week old fetus images"...I'm not sure I'll be able to get some of those images out of my head for the rest of the day.  Look, I'm very very pro-life, but I just really cannot stand when people stand on the side of the road holding signs of aborted babies.  It just makes me sick to my stomach.  It makes me sick to even read about the procedure.  I guess that's the point?  Anyway, if you don't want to lose your breakfast, don't ever google those words - you will turn up some gruesome post-abortion photos.  *Shiver*

Anyway...this week my baby looks like a human instead of a alien baby.  The baby is an inch long and has fingers and toes with tiny nails forming.  He/she is jumping around in there although I won't feel it for at least another month.  The spine is visible, and most of the vital organs are in place and beginning to function.  Picture a baby an inch long and then imagine how small those kidneys must be.  Isn't that amazing? 

Only two more weeks until the glorious second trimester begins and it cannot come soon enough.  With my other two pregnancies, the fatigue was my worst pregnancy symptom with a few days or periods of nausea thrown in there for good measure.  When I was pregnant with Ethan, I was still teaching.  Thankfully, I had 7th period planning, so I would close the door, turn out the light and doze with my head on my desk for 52 minutes.  Then I would drive home, nap on the couch for 90 minutes and yet still be so completely exhausted that I would go to bed at 9:30 and sleep soundly all night long.  This time around, I've been able to push through the exhaustion, probably because I'm just used to doing it with the busyness of two kids.  However, the nausea was another story.  It was not as bad as it could have been.  I wasn't throwing up several times a day or unable to keep food down.  But I was nauseous every single day.  EVERY SINGLE DAY.  There were days where I just sat on the couch and cried and counted down the hours until bedtime.  And right now is Dave's busy time with real estate, so he's been working past bedtime many nights, leaving me on my own a lot. 

A few people had left comments here mentioning Sea Bands and how they got them through the pregnancy nausea.  I had briefly tried them with Noah and didn't find them to be successful then, so I wasn't real keen on spending money on them again if the same result was going to occur.  Then I got desperate and made an exclusive trip to CVS, hunted them down next to the Dramamine and threw them in my purse.  I promptly forgot I bought them.  Then, while we were in Kentucky, my mother in law happened to mention them while describing how a friend, who used to have a terrible time with motion sickness, tried the Sea Bands and can now read and do anything she wants on car rides.  Lightbulb!  Hey!  I have those in my purse! 

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about...Sea Bands are a tight elastic band with a plastic bead in the middle of them.  You arrange the bands so that the bead sits directly on a certain pressure point on your wrist that is supposed to alleviate nausea.

My MIL and I fiddled around with the placement for a while but it was the evening anyway so there wasn't much time to see if they would work.  I put them on the next way and voila! NO NAUSEA!!!  People, I went from nausea every day to NOTHING.  Now, in the past 10 days that I've been wearing them, I've had an hour or two of nausea here and there, mostly after I wake up from naps (seems to make it worse, so I think I've given them up).  But I can now exercise (hence the 10K).  I can eat a meal.  I can function on my own, get my housework done, fix dinner (well, raw meat is still a struggle), and put my kids to bed all without feeling completely helpless.  I really was convinced that this was a gimmick, but they work.  They really work. 

Sea Bands should pay me for this post.  Free advertising.  But seriously, if you have problems with motion sickness or morning sickness, try them.  They're magic.

The Bloom

 For anyone who does not live in Winchester, I wish I could adequately describe Apple Blossom for you.  If I tell you it's a local festival celebrating apple blossoms and spring and that there's parades and fireworks and parties, it still sounds like a dinky old-fashioned thing.  And it's not.  It's just not.  The Apple Blossom Festival has been around for 84 years now and although the largest events happen on Friday night through Saturday afternoon, the entire town of Winchester completely SHUTS DOWN.  On Thursday.  Like, I'm talking businesses close.  Schools close.  It's so all-consuming that I sometimes watch the news and think, "Gosh, why are DC schools in session?  Do we still get mail today?  Oh, wait...Apple Blossom is a Winchester-only thing..."  Apple Blossom events start two weeks before Apple Blossom.  There are luncheons almost every day the week of.  The Winchester Star newspaper contains at least 5 articles or pictures per day.  Everyone who lives here MUST wear pink and green (in fact, if you wear that color combination any other time of the year, it is inevitable that someone will remark that you must be longing for Apple Blossom).  The grocery store hands out reusable pink and green bags.  We all wait with bated breath to read the announcement of which celebrities will be appearing in the Firefighter's Parade (world's largest firefighter's parade, in case you were wondering) and the Grand Feature Parade.  Sometimes we actually know who they are.  This year we got Debbie Reynolds, Crystal Gayle and Bonnie Blair (I know there were more, but those were the ones I recognize).  We plan where we are sitting for the parades or which parties we are attending (or hosting).  The Cole Brothers circus arrives in town.  The bleachers are erected.  The food and game vendors arrive and set up shop on the walking mall downtown.  The lights of the carnival rides shine between the buildings on Valley Avenue.  The athletes among us train for the 10K and prepare to be bested by native African runners who travel the country winning local races like ours.  The police force gears up to be exhausted and strained while coping with the insane numbers of ridiculously drunk people wandering the streets. 

Dave and I only participate in a few choice events.  This year, we got to take both boys to the Firefighter's Parade and let me tell you, that parade was MADE for boys.  Firetruck after firetruck, ambulance after ambulance, police cars, motorcycles, tractors...one after the other, with local and not so local (Elizabethtown, PA, I'm talking to you) bands giving us a break from the exhaust fumes.  

We watched the parade from the home of one of Dave's business associates.  The boys hung on the fence, glued to the action.

Noah just could not believe that there was another firetruck!  After that ambulance!  Oh, and a yellow firetruck!  And the Chick-Fil-A cow was on THAT firetruck?!?!

I talked Dave into allowing the boys to taste cotton candy for the first time.  Noah thought it was really weird and Dave completely agrees. 

There were lots of other small children running around the yard, and partway through the parade, Ethan turned to me with glowing eyes and asked, "Mom?  Can I go play with friends?"  Never mind that he had never met them, they were friends.  They ran and danced and climbed and marched and had a blast.  Noah, ever the cautious one, sat on Mommy and Daddy's lap.

  Saturday was the Valley Health Apple Blossom 10K.  I've run this before and I just couldn't stay away this year, despite being pregnant.  I ran nice and slow and managed to complete it in 1:01:42, which was my second fastest time (compared to 57 minutes from last year). Dave couldn't find his running buddy, so he just decided to go as fast as he could and finished in 47:10.  All of my friends, Dave and I had a great run in the perfect cool, breezy weather.  Look at us, we don't even look tired, we're that awesome.

Because the Grand Feature parade falls smack in the middle of naptime, we so far have opted to skip it and instead enjoy watching the questionable attire of the local news anchor narrating the progression of the parade on TV.  At a certain point in the evening, those 6.2 miles hit us runners and I nearly fell asleep sitting around the firepit. 

So...The Bloom is a big deal.  You should come visit us sometime.